Saturday, August 19, 2006

Ones for the Road

These are great. They are humorous, invented highway signs. None of my submitted creations saw ink, cyber- or otherwise. To be honest, I don't remember in the slightest if mine were funny or not.

But these are.

Enjoy.

They are from The Washington Post's humor contest:

The Style Invitational.

Report From Week 672

In which we asked you to compose overhead highway signs, of no more than three lines, 20 characters per line, that we could "write" on the electric sign on Atom.smasher.org (the winner is depicted here). Too frequently submitted for individual ink: "This Highway Paved With Good Intentions." "This Sign Intentionally Left Blank" and "If You Lived Under This Bridge, You'd Be Homeless."

4

ENTERING NYC
INCREASE
SPEAKING SPEED
(Phil Frankenfeld, Washington)

3

REPORT
PHONE-USING DRIVERS
CALL 202-555-3147
(Mike Connaghan, Alexandria)

2 The winner of "The Worst Picture Ever Painted":

HONK IF YOU'RE
AN IMPATIENT MORON
(Art Grinath, Takoma Park)

And the Winner of the Inker:

NOW ENTERING
THE WILSON BRIDGE
SCENIC REST AREA
(Lisa Younce, Key West)

And a Few More for the Road

REST STOP CLOSED
CROSS LEGS
NEXT 23 MILES
(Sue Lin Chong, Baltimore)

SHOW US
YOUR HEADLIGHTS!
(Jay Shuck, Minneapolis)

IF YOU LIVED
IN YOUR CAR YOU'D
BE HOME BY NOW
(Elwood Fitzner, Valley City, N.D.)

HAVE YOU
BELTED YOUR KIDS?
(Bird Waring, New York)

WHATEVER YOU DO
DO NOT LOOK IN
YOUR REARVIEW MIRROR
(Bruce Alter, Fairfax Station)

BRAKE! BRAKE!
NEVER MIND.
MY BAD.
(Kevin Mellema, Falls Church)

END ROAD WORK
I MEAN IT.
END IT NOW!
(Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf)

DO THIS
DON'T DO THAT --
CAN'T YOU READ?
(Stephen Litterst, Ithaca, N.Y.; Stephen Dudzik, Olney)

BRINKS TRUCK
SPILL AHEAD
EXPECT DELAYS
(Barbara Turner, Takoma Park)

DETOUR AHEAD:
HARBOR TUNNEL
UNDER WATER
(Marty McCullen, Gettysburg, Pa.)

NON-TEXT PORTIONS
OF THIS MESSAGE
HAVE BEEN REMOVED
(Jay Shuck)

TUNE RADIO TO AM
FOR POOR
SOUND QUALITY
(Russell Beland, Springfield)

KEEP KICKING YOUR
BROTHER -- DAD CANT
TURN THE CAR AROUND
(Jonathan L. Kang, Washington)

HITTING STATE
INSECT: $200 FINE
(Michael G. Peck, Alexandria)

PUT DOWN THE PHONE
NOW AND NO ONE
WILL GET HURT
(Melissa Yorks, Gaithersburg)

3 CAR CRASH AHEAD
1 IS FLIPPED
BEST VIEW LEFT LANE
(Michael Platt, Germantown)

WASHINGTON 1
NEW YORK 229
WP: GLAVINE LP: ORTIZ
(Dan Seidman, Watertown, Mass.)

2 RDS DIVERGE,
SORRY YOU
CANNOT TRAVEL BOTH
(Brendan Beary, Great Mills)

HEY YOU IN THE H2
PULL OVER SO WE
ALL CAN SMACK YOU
(Michael Doughten, Arlington)

ALL LANES
EXACT CHANGE
TOLL 1.95
(David Kleinbard, Jersey City)

HONK IF YOU'RE IN
AN UNMARKED CAR
(Lisa Younce, Key West, Fla.)

YOU IN THE PORSCHE!
YOU GONNA LET THAT
PRIUS PASS YOU?
(Art Grinath)

I'M JUST DOING THIS
TILL I GET A GIG AS
A BROADWAY MARQUEE
(Brendan Beary)

IN CASE OF RAPTURE
HELP YOURSELF TO
UNATTENDED VEHICLES
(Alexander D. Mitchell IV, Baltimore)

ORDER 8X10S NOW
OF YOUR TRAFFIC
VIOLATION PHOTO
(Kevin Dopart)

ROCK 1 MI
FOREIGN POLICY 2 MI
HARD PLACE 3 MI
(Russell Beland)

DAYS SINCE LAST
SIGN-FALLING
ACCIDENT: 02
(Mike Connaghan)

EXITING DC
KEEP FAR RIGHT
NEXT 2500 MI
(Kevin Dopart)

RIGHT LANE ENDS
500 INCHES
(Jon Reiser, Hilton, N.Y.)

SLOW TO 45 MPH
WHEN DROPPING OFF
PASSENGERS
(Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

TIME: 417 PM
-- OR IT WAS WHEN
WE SET THIS THING
(Jay Shuck)

ARE WE THERE YET?
ARE WE THERE YET?
ARE WE THERE YET?
(Joseph Newman, Bethesda)

YOUR WAIT TIME TILL
NEXT ACCIDENT:
APPROX 4 MINUTES
(Brian Fox, Charlottesville)

GAS THIS EXIT --
MUST BE PRE-APPROVED
FOR FINANCING
(Drew Bennett)

COULD SOMEONE
PLEASE EXPLAIN
TODAY'S ZIPPY?
(Jay Shuck)

CONSTRUCTION AHEAD
A BIG DELAY EXPECTED
MEN WRITING HAIKU
(Tiffany Getz, Manassas)

THRU TRAFFIC KEEP LEFT
HAHA! LIKE U R MOVING!
I CRACK MYSELF UP!
(Cheryl Davis, Arlington)

NO HUMMERS
PERMITTED
PLEASE BUCKLE UP
(Art Grinath)

ANY OF YOU KNOW
HOW TO TURN OFF
THE CAPS LOCK?
(Kim Herman, Centreville)


Laugh. Or....
Else.

12 comments:

Julie said...

Awesome.

My favorite:

3 CAR CRASH AHEAD
1 IS FLIPPED
BEST VIEW LEFT LANE

(Michael Platt, Germantown)

Pawlie Kokonuts said...

I suppose I should copy and paste from The Washington Post site but was wary (probably too wary) of potential copyright issues.

Michael C said...

Pawlie,
I don't blame you for the copyright concerns but that's some funny stuff!

Odat said...

LMAO......too funny.....

and paulie? eff the copy write concerns...and just do it!

azgoddess said...

great!! or else, i laugh because it is better than crying!!

meloncutter said...

Now I won't be able to drive anywhere and keep a straight face. Dang it.

FUNNNYYYY

Later Yall.

Raj said...

Nice, very funny dear.

A chuisle said...

faaaaaaaan-tastic

jbwritergirl said...

Those are great. If I wasn't so tired from my trip I'd attempt to be funny...but hey...I just can't go there for fear of hisses!

Army said...

These were a much needed laugh for me. Thanks for the post!

Jessie said...

Very Funny!

db said...

we have a regular one in the UK that reads, 'Sign not in use'

Should I read them or what?