mother superior jumped the gun

my dear Mother Superior
yes, my child
my dear Father Superior
go on, my child
I can't seem to keep my vows
which ones, my little one?
well, all of them
oh?
oh
especially my Vow of Silence
dear me
woe is me
we can see that
or is it woe is I?
technically
technically is this breaking the vow?
we haven't gotten that far, digitally
the spirit of the law versus the letter
something to consider
to weigh
to ponder
there's that old joke about the Vow of Silence
which one?
there can't be that many
the one about the person who meets with the Superior once a year
oh, that one
and is asked, how are things going?
right
I remember now
cold food
a year later, stiff bed
the year after that, cold room
right
and then expelled
yes
"all you ever do is complain"
tossed out
that's the one
exited, to the curb
there's the door
knew it!
 

heavy mental

I'm going to give you an address, and say it three times, and a little while later ask you to repeat it back to me.
Okay. I can do that. All righty.
John Smith 42 High Street Bedford.
That's a weird address.
What do you mean?
I mean, it's a name and an address.
That's what I meant.
Then say what you mean.
I just did.
Never mind. On with the exam.
Do you smoke?
No.
Drink?
No.
Are you a Mormon or Seventh Day Adventist or Muslim?
None of the above, but none of your business.
Do you exercise?
Sometimes.
Tell me the address.
The address? Or the name and the address?
You know.
No, I don't, but here goes.
John Smith 42 High Street Bedford.
Excellent!
Says you.
Are you angry?
Be honest, is that one of your listed questions?
None of your business.
Are you angry?
John Smith 42 High Street Bedford.
What about Pocahontas? And is it Bedford Falls, like George Bailey?
I can't say.
Can't or won 't?
I don't know.
John Smith 42 High Street Bedford.
What?
You heard me.
I did. I think I did.
Bedford New York? Like Bedford Hills?
They didn't say.
Who?
The people who . . .
The ones who . . .
The people ones?
The ones who gave us the address.
The name and the address.
Those too.
The toos.
Them.
Us.
Us versus them.

'true medical emergency'

You've heard it. You call the doctor's office. (Excuse me, you call the office of your aggregated healthcare practitioners.) Before a human with a voice attends to your need or query, a recorded voice declares: "If this is a true medical emergency, hang up and dial 911." Curiously, though, later, as one of the options presented, you are invited to press 1 if it is for a medical emergency. Hmmmmm. Which summons the obvious cerebral (in my head, at least) debate about what constitutes a "true" versus an "untrue" medical emergency.

TRUE MEDICAL EMERGENCY: Unasked for amputation.
UNTRUE MEDICAL EMERGENCY: Unasked for ampersand.

TRUE: Cerebral hemorrhage. 
UNTRUE: Cerebral hemorrhoids.

TRUE: Aneurysm.
UNTRUE: Androidism.

TRUE: Four-hour erection.
UNTRUE: Four-hour erection.

TRUE: Fibula fracture.
UNTRUE: Fractured fable.

Got more? 

Comment below.

sense of humor

Anecdotal research of online dating sites says 89.7% of all women seeking male companionship, friendship, relationship, dreamboat, or knight in slightly tarnished armour want said person to make them laugh, have a sense of humor. Sense of humor. It is a recurring theme. Now, why is that? Because they are sad and need a clown? Clowns are not funny. Because laughter is the best medicine, as Reader's Digest would put it? Medicine to cure what? Existential angst? Talk about giving men performance anxiety! Granted, laughter is salubrious. And, true, it is hard to make yourself laugh, just as it is hard to tickle yourself. But this obsession, this assumption, this given, that the man must have a sense of humor, must make her laugh? C'mon. I'm a funny guy, so they say. On paper and in person. I've even had pieces of my humor (or humour in the Commonwealth) published. Alas, those humor-inducing qualities have not saved me from 1.73 divorces. Oh, sure, you will argue that it wasn't the humor that did me in, but the lack of it at the right time or the wrong kind of humor at the wrong time. Whatever. And if you look a little closer, research likely indicates that comedians as a class are not privately the happiest of people. When you come to think of it, much humor, maybe almost all humor, has an undercurrent of tragedy. We laugh at the person slipping on a banana peel. We laugh at the crotch injuries and bodies flying off trampolines on "America's Funniest Videos." Sense of humor? Really? Be careful what y'all ask for. Yuck, yuck. (Now that was not funny.)

20 answers

wait
I'm thinking, I'm thinking
ask your father mother your Aunt Thistle Uncle de mon Oncle
sometimes but not never or always
why not
what is the question again
only if Soren Kierkegaard concurs
yes I will yes or maybe not
especially if I can insert a serial comma
grunt
sigh
I sink; therefore I swam
The Giants win the Series! The Giants win the Series!
I lost count
if you say so
you don't say
always on Sunday, never on Tuesday
when in the coarse of humane events
as simply as possible, but not simpler
in free-fall cosmic surrender

Ich bin tired Berliner

Something like 1.5 hrs sleep in the last 36 hrs, und so:

graffiti, Brandenburg gate, memorial to Europe's Jews, S-bahn, U-bahn, BLT mit chicken @ Einsteins, St Hedwig Kathedral, Unter den Linden, smoking in public places, Potsdamer Platz, sirens that go deeeee-doooo deee-doooooo rhythmically, portions of the Wall, slower pace than New York City, rain, sun, rain, wind, the Reichstag, Staatsoper Ballett, Miro, the bibliotheque, the Berliner Dom, Alexanderplatz, honor system.

G'night.

Sleep. Or....

Die.