a tree, a nest, and a pool

In an ancient rite of excommunication, a bell, a book, and a candle were employed. A 1958 movie starring James Stewart and Kim Novak, with Jack Lemmon and Ernie Kovacs, borrows those words for the title, "Bell, Book and Candle." (I wish they had used the serial comma.) Today, on Tipperary Hill, I saw a Christmas tree with needles the color of copper (a hue not unlike my dog's hair) by the sidewalk (yikes! keeping a tree till Pentecost?!), a tiny bird's nest (sans bird's eggs) on the sidewalk a block away from the discarded Yule tree, and the swimming pool in Burnet Park filled with unnameable swimming-pool-azure water but absent of swimmers.

What, if anything, are we to make of these signs?

I do not know.

voice

I confess to a fear. I confess to the fear that I've lost my voice. Not the voice loss associated with laryngitis. Not that sort of -itis. I fear blogitis, the loss of my blogging voice. Having been Tweeting (or tweeting) away like a madman (MadMen? BTW, I await the return of that stellar AMC TV series), I wonder if I've gone to the word-well so often and so distinctly differently that I lost my Kokonuts voice, diminished my Laughorist persona, lessened my serial-comma loving stature, skewed my Kierkegaard-name-dropping identity. Of course, some would argue for marked boundaries of these voices, clear boundaries on the verges of Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, and Blogger. Those "some" may be wise to counsel such; or not. Nevertheless, having glanced at the aforementioned words and having heard their cadence and rhythm and substance, or lack therof, I can rest restlessly assured that this voice is still full-throated. Warbling. Wandering.

Carry on.

As you were.

Laugh. Or...

Else.

Oxford Comma Scare

Phew.

There were some alarums [olde spelling] that the Oxford University Press was axing the Oxford comma.

Not so, apparently, as noted in this excellent piece in the Los Angeles Times, which also discusses the Shatner comma, comically.

No serial comma killing this time, though all offices of said staid educational institution should be consistent on such matters.

Serial Comma Commandos of the world, unite. You have nothing to lose but your [something something; failed to make Marxist pun here].

naturally wondering

Wendy's is introducing "natural-cut fries with sea salt." That's from the package of a small order of fries, bought today, I am at liberty to say, in Liberty, New York, not far from Route 17.

NATURAL-CUT
FRIES
WITH SEA SALT

the package reads, also saying, "We slice up only whole Russet potatoes and leave the skin on to bring out their natural flavor." Also: "The result? Fries that are crispy, delicious, and totally irresistible." Hey! Maybe the serial comma is making a natural comeback! Love that serial comma after "delicious." Naturally. And meaningfully.

But here's the thing that has persnickety Pawlie scratching his grammarian's head: "natural-cut." It's that hyphenated adjectival construction that has me wondering.

• In nature, do Russet potatoes, or any potatoes, undergo cutting?
• How does natural cutting take place?
• Who does it? The Grim Reaper?
  
• What does it mean to be "naturally cut"?
• Does it hurt?
• Is it emo, even if naturally so?
• What is the opposite of "natural-cut fries"? "Artificial-cut fries"?
  
• How does one cut artificially? Through verbal ripostes?
  

Yass, yass, yass, as Jack Kerouac's Dean Moriarty would say, I think I know what Wendy's intends: natural taste, not processed, not doctored, not ruined by too much freezing, refreezing, microwaving, etc. Something like that. I get it. (Perhaps the copywriter could've called them "Natural, Cut Fries," but -- still -- what are "unnatural" fries? Picky. Picky. Picky. How about "Natural, Hand-Cut Fries"? Fine, but likely not literally true. Just thinking out loud, digitally, here.)

They're pretty good, the natural-cut fries from Wendy's. But I like Burger King's fries better; must be the peanut-oil taste. Arby's curly fries I like, too.

But hats off to Wendy's on its Apple Pecan Chicken Salad. Pretty good; reminds me of a Panera Bread salad.

Naturally.

And don't forget: the San Francisco Giants are still World Champs.

Still basking.

everybody's special

Quote from The New York Times of January 6, 2011:

" 'The dirty little secret is that the largest special interests are us -- the vast majority of U.S. taxpayers,' the report said. 'Virtually all of us benefit from certain exclusions from income, deductions from income or tax credits.' " [I wonder if the actual report had the serial comma before "or tax credits." You can check here if you have the time. Not surprisingly, it is not a concise report.]

The report referred to above is from the National Tax Advocate's office. Nina E. Olson is the I.R.S.'s national taxpayer advocate.

I did not even know Nina was our I.R.S. ombudsman, or ombudswoman. Did you?

Hi, Nina.

You saying we're all special?

Awww.

Your point is well taken, Ms. Olson. I've said it before: everyone is all for reform until it affects him or her personally; then it is somebody else's problem, somebody else's profligate ways.

when in doubt, commatate

When I've got nothing else to say, I can always fall back on my old standby, the serial comma.

Having recently been in Philadelphia, I saw this December 5, 2010, headline (actually, a subheading; maybe there's another term) on the front page of The Philadelphia Inquirer:

"A year after The Inquirer revealed the crisis in city courts, judges and the district attorney have brought about far-reaching reforms."

There's nothing wrong with that sentence, nothing at all. I'm serious. BUT. BUT the prevailing absence of the serial comma sets up the modern reader (you) to be confused. You are led to expect that the phrasing is part of this construction:

"...city courts, judges [typically omitted serial comma] and the district attorney..."

But it's not.

If the NORM was the serial comma, you would never be lulled into thinking that, because you would expect that such a construction would have to be like this:

"...city courts, judges, and the district attorney..."

But as you read that perfectly correct sentence at the top, you tend to pause and get confused ONLY because of the persistence of those who do NOT use the serial comma.

Confused?

I'll walk you through this "offline" in the comments box if need be.

20 answers

"The answer is in the question." -- Zen Saying.

Zen Calendar notation for September 28, 2010.

1. green
2. red
3. sometimes
4. half of infinity
5. the other half of infinity
6. sententiousness
7. serial comma
8. tabloid
9. aural
10. Kazakhs cordially courting Cossacks
11. perch
12. el Greco
13. Picasso but not Kierkegaard
    
14. Dali
15. a grid of intersecting boulevards masquerading as haiku prayer wheels
16. pious pies of colorful pi
17. patrician accents with square jaws on Sutton Place, Manhattan
18. soberiquets
19. anonononymity
20. silencio
    

alpha bravo tango website

Bravo to The Associated Press for now proclaiming "website" instead of "Web site" as its preferred style (note to pedants: this is about style, not grammar).

I have long argued this was inevitable.

Yes, there are, and will be, holdouts. Maybe forever. (Right now: The New Yorker, New York Times, and a plethora of others insist on "Web site.") (As you all know, I can be stubborn about such things. I did not become a Serial Comma Commando for nothing!)

I have pushed for this change with particular clients I have worked with (yes, yes, yes, of course you can end a sentence with a preposition! Or even a proposition!).

The organic and natural evolution in American English is for compound forms to go from two words to hyphenated forms to solid, one-word configurations.

Be organic linguistically! Go organic!

After all, we don't use "tele-phone" anymore. We don't write "tele-vision." At least I don't.

Back in my linguistics course in 1968-69, I learned that such linguistic contraction is a mark of a language's sophistication.

Simplify.

Just as Thoreau said.

Zen masters too.

By the way, my friend Mark Murphy alerted me to a fantastic resource if you are into this sort of esoteric stuff:

OnlineStylebooks.com

Awesome. I salute its creator and maintainer.

how are you?

Dear Blogosphere Citizens (Blogizens),

How are you? How you be? What up? We haven't talked in a while, have we? Oh, you've left a comment here and there, but for the most part you've been silent. Why is that? Am I not provocative enough? Is serial comma serial comma serial comma serial comma just not triggering enough search engines in the same way that, say, sex sex sex adult adult sex adult sex sex adult sex adult sex adult sex sex sex sex does as a string of keywords? Am I too bland? Not, um, sexy enough? Too verbal, not visual enough? (Incidentally, does sex ed. or gender studies garner the same response as the aforementioned verbal string? Probably not.) Ironically enough, does the mere repetition of the word "sex," paired with any word for that matter, mark me as something or someone that I am not? In other words, are we so Puritan that the mere repetition of the word "sex" demarcates one as a deviant -- just the word! - even though our society has a proliferation of images and music -- and words for that matter -- that stretches the bounds of good taste, civility, normalcy, and morality? And what if one were to quote this blog post out of context? A detractor could (wrongly) claim: it's all about "sex"! Nathaniel Hawthorne's "The Scarlett Letter" is the quintessential book that exposes America's long-simmering hypocrisy about prurience and prudishness, morality and the public square. Can you weigh in on any of this? It's been a while? Speak up. Eh?

Sincerely,

P. Kokonuts, The Laughorist

Doggone It!

Now that the Dog Days* of summer are ending (July 24-August 24, by some counts), and a reign of lassitude or howling frenzy is coming to a close, I offer the salubrious effects of my serial-comma-laden, I Leap for Kierkegaard-promoted, super-hyphenated blog.

* Caniculares dies, at whose start the Romans, it is said sacrificed a dog to appease the rage of Sirius, the Dog Star, brightest in the firmament except for the sun.

With the Dog Days behind us, we now don't have to take things so Siriusly, eh? (woof! OUCH!)

Serial Comma Society

Hats, gloves, bras, shirts, sandals, and socks off to The Serial Comma Society on Facebook.

We are not alone!

Carry on!

As you were.

March on, Serial Comma Commandos.

(Yes, yes, we struggled over whether to hyphenate between serial and comma. We sided with poetic license, available at the city clerk's office, for a nominative fee.)

Serial Comma Wars, Continued

As some of you know, a blog post here in January 2007 caused quite a stir. Weird that my post about the serial comma set off a minor storm -- and continues to be the most popular reason visitors come to my blog.

Now the lofty Columbia Journalism Review jumps into the fray with a piece titled "Serial Killer" and subtitled "Why the 'serial comma' isn't important." Not that a slight aroma of condescension bothers me. Much. The essay, by a Merrill Perlman, is a paltry defense of, what?, ambiguity?, or maybe is a passionless defense of apathy toward something that is, yes, less important than Mideast peace. But. It is a wishy-washy polemic, missing the simple point that opponents of the serial comma just can't allow themselves to admit: if you use the serial comma, you can't go wrong, you can't be unclear. Well, they do sheepishly admit that. They do begrudgingly admit that occasions call for use of the serial comma. Sometimes. Sort of. But we don't have to declare it as a universal rule. (Look, I understand this is all about stylistic preference and that it is beyond the realm of hard-and-fast rules. I get that. But style guides have no point if they do not profess preferences, and they profess them for a reason. Or should.)

In response to my post at the Columbia Journalism Review, Ruth E. Thaler-Carter, who declares herself "a big fan of 'no serial commas,' nevertheless provides her favorite argument in favor of the serial comma by way of the "classic book dedication":

"To my parents, Ayn Rand and God."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I love it. I had not heard that one and of course it is essentially a cousin of the example I like to quote from the folks at The Chicago Manual of Style:

"With gratitude to my parents, Mother Teresa and the pope."

Sit on the sidelines no longer.

Fight the good fight.

Join the brigades.

Become a commando in the Serial Comma War.

Be a Serial Commakazie.

Recruiting Serial Comma Commandos

Uncle Serial Comma Wants You!



















Recruiting now at your local Laughorist.

Prescription Abandonment

Prescription abandonment.

I've added it to my list over at Wordie.

Prescription abandonment is the (growing) practice of not picking up your prescription; for lack of funds, presumably.

I suppose it could also be lack of interest or lack of care, quite literally. Or even some kind of passive-aggressive silent-protest conspiracy.

(In real life, this is no joke. I'm just blogging, which is not Real Life.)

I have often abandoned prescriptions in my life; have abandoned those mandates prescribed by tradition or culture or habit. Ergo (it always sounds smarter to throw in a Latin phrase or two), I have performed prescription abandonment before its heyday. You would be doing prescription abandonment if I exhorted you to use the serial comma, but instead you shunned it.

When my writing was poor, I performed description abandonment.

When I have failed at enlisting support or consensus, I was guilty of conscription abandonment.

And so on.

You've got your own.

Age quod agis.

What would Kierkegaard do?

He had prescriptions a-plenty, with Danish, to go.

cold enough for ya?

oh were not the coldest in syracuse its colder in places like thief river falls minnesota but its so cold the keyboard crinkles and sticks and freezes and punctuates poorly missing a beat on commas semicolons apostrophes colons and gets caught on enter
enter
enter
enter
enter sometimes called return
return
return
return
return return even cold enough to have cities villages towns hamlets mandate coats and hats and gloves for public statues cold enough to make one wonder hey do we need all those commas serial commas or otherwise or question marks or exclamation marks hyphens all that redaction kind of thing question mark and as for its with the apostrophe versus its without it no one except an elite few seems to care anyway giving a cold shoulder to redaction rules and regulations regs some call em cold enough to cause people cold to sleep closer snuggling even when smoldering mad at each other cold nough to reconsider hot heat of temper and intemperate tantrums tending to tantric tangos now were really frozen all the rulesslippingintoonelandlockedwordlockedfrozenriverofletters
that cold
period

Fodder for the Serial Comma Wars

In today's Washington Post, Jonathan Yardley pens a lovely salute to The Elements of Style by William Strunk, Jr., and E.B. White.

Yardley's essay has this excerpt:

This is the same William Strunk, Jr., who two pages earlier writes, "In a series of three or more terms with a single conjunction, use a comma after each term except the last," as in "red, white, and blue," this second comma being "often referred to as the 'serial' comma," except in newspaper offices, where it is often referred to as the "space-eating" comma.

Score one for the serial comma!

The funny thing about Strunk & White is this: over the years as an editor, I have heard countless colleagues (often engineers and scientists) make adoring comments about it -- and rarely, if ever, apply its principles. It got to be that if someone quoted Strunk & White to me, I cringed, knowing their writing would be obtuse and bloviated.

I doubt they ever read it.

Same with many lawyers.

Such is life.

Do Ask, Do Tell

In an effort to help the Chinese people, especially those who encounter foreign devils, excuse me, tourists, during the Olympics, I nominate eight questions that you can ask (see preceding post, immediately below).

1. Who killed Jimmy Hoffa?

2. Would like me to show you how to use chopsticks?

3. What did you think of the final episode of "The Sopranos"?

4. Do you embrace the logic, beauty, and clarity of the serial comma?

5. What size is your [insert noun here to represent an anatomical anomaly, description of square feet or cubic metres of living space, or current total of 401(k), if any]?

6. How do you like our air and water pollution, as well as our popular habit of public spitting?

7. Do you miss all those manufacturing jobs we took from you?

8. Brother/sister, can you spare a dime?

Hooray! Serial Commas for Kids!

I am delighted, thrilled, and proud to share with you the exact contents of a vitally important and courageous e-mail I received yesterday from someone named Bill Gram-Reefer (Bill, if that is your real name, I won't comment further on your appellation without securing legal counsel first).

Anyway, here's the wonderful, excellent, and necessary news I am excited about exclusively passing on to my loyal, deserving, and intelligent readers (yeah, I might've used a semicolon in the headline that follows):


Punctuation Man Breaks with Associated Press, Endorses Serial Comma

In support of the National Education Association's "Read Across America" program on March 3, the nation's leading authority on helping school children, teachers, and parents learn proper punctuation skills declares that the "serial comma" should be taught, used, and accepted universally.

Pinole, CA (PRWEB) February 28, 2008 -- Punctuation Man, a leading authority on punctuation and teaching punctuation to elementary school children, today announced his decision to fully support the use of the serial comma.

Shunned by the Associated Press (AP) Stylebook, the serial comma is still widely accepted by educators, grammarians, and literary circles, including Strunk and White's The Elements of Style, and the Chicago Manual of Style. The announcement coincides with the National Education Association's (NEA) "Read Across America" child literacy program, to be held nationwide on Monday, March 3.

There is no small debate about the serial comma (also known as the Oxford Comma). It is a comma used before a coordinating conjunction (such as "and") before the last item in a series of three or more. For example: The flag is red, white, and blue.

Enter Jeff Rubin -- aka Punctuation Man -- a former newspaper reporter turned newsletter publisher, public speaker, and founder of National Punctuation Day, which will celebrate its fifth anniversary on September 24. Jeff and his wife, Norma, travel the nation to teach children the basics of punctuation with Punctuation Playtime, a live assembly program that is also offered to teachers, schools, and school districts as an instructional DVD.

"I am inundated with questions from people across the United States about punctuation, and many involve the serial comma," says Rubin. "Speaking as Punctuation Man, I hope to resolve one of punctuation's nagging issues and provide clarity. I recommend the use of the serial comma because it helps make clear the meaning of a sentence."

For example, according to AP style, how many horses in the following sentence were in the race -- three or four?

"The horses thundered toward the finish: black and gold, red and white, blue and teal and yellow."

When punctuated using a serial comma, the meaning is clear. Four horses raced neck and neck: black and gold, red and white, blue and teal, and yellow.

Here's another example from a book dedication: "To my parents, Mother Teresa and Pope John Paul II."

"Punctuation counts," says Rubin. "A misplaced comma can alter the meaning of a sentence.

"Style should never get in the way of clear communication. The proper use of the serial comma should be taught, used, and accepted universally."

About Punctuation Playtime:
While performing Punctuation Playtime, based in Pinole, CA, Jeff Rubin and Norma Martinez-Rubin have energized thousands of children on a subject routinely regarded as boring and duller than dirt. Jeff, a veteran newspaper reporter and newsletter publisher, founded National Punctuation Day (September 24) in 2004 to draw attention to the importance of proper punctuation. He is a member of the National Speakers Association and speaks frequently on writing, marketing, and integrity for small-business owners.

For more information about Punctuation Playtime, visit http://www.punctuationplaytime.com. For more information about how your school or company can participate in National Punctuation Day, please visit http://www.nationalpunctuationday.com.

DEMO VIDEO
http://www.PunctuationPlaytime.com

EDITOR CONTACT
Jeff Rubin
Punctuation Playtime
877-588-1212
jeff @ PunctuationPlaytime.com

Bill Gram-Reefer
WORLDVIEW
925-459-8537
reefer @ worldviewpr.com

###


Thanks, guys. Love it!

Pawlie Kokonuts

Subterranean Semicolon Celebration

What can be more delicious than this? The most popular emailed (I prefer this form instead of the hyphenated e-mailed) article over at the New York Times website (I prefer this, rather than the almost Victorian construction Web site) is about (ta-da):

The Semicolon

exclamation point

As you can see if you click on the word semicolon above, a sign on a New York City subway uses the lovely semicolon; it uses it correctly. Beautiful.

The only thing more delicious would be an erotic, semantic, linguistic, and cosmic embrace of the serial comma by The New York Times. (But, alas, The New York Times wouldn't do that; it would be too much like The New Yorker.)

(All hail to Neil Neches of New York City Transit! [pictured above, with his all-but invisible semicolon on the subway placard in the background])

'Um. . . The Book' Reviewed

Um...The Book entertained and educated me. Anytime you can do both at the same time (soixante-neufing, so to speak, your learning) is an accomplishment. Fortunately, this very readable book by Michael Erard does not come off as stuffy in any way. And it doesn't make one self-conscious, as in the nervous equivalent of crossing and uncrossing one's legs or readjusting one's posture in front of a psychoanalyst. (I can report that seeing a shrink is not really like that anyway, not after the first 877 visits.)

When I was a copy editor at a newspaper, I remember an editor telling me, after I corrected someone's spoken solecism, "Don't edit speech." Wise advice.

Um...The Book takes the reader through a pleasurable stroll through several leafy jungles you wouldn't think had connecting paths: pop culture, anthropology, linguistics, epistemology, psychology, history (...and more! as copywriters shout). (As I have noted before, the book's subtitle, "Slips, Stumbles, and Verbal Blunders, and What They Mean," embraces the serial comma, as does the narrative. Merci, Mr. Erard and editors.)

The book's website invites examples from readers. I dare not submit this one of my own, because it's more dementia than blunder: I once introduced myself at a serious business function, in front of a large crowd, with the prefatory "His Lord and Eminence" before my name. I don't know what came over me. Curiously, I still have the same job, and more curiously, one of the people who had been in that audience, as a competitor, now works with me. No, I've never brought the subject up.

I like the fact that the author takes on Herr Dr. Freud and explains how the term "Freudian slip" has taken on a life all its own never intended.

I learned about spoonerisms, powerless vs. powerful speaking, and tip-of-the-tongue phenomenon. (Medical update: I seem to have some sort of TMJ problem, and yesterday the ENT/dentist specialist prescribed an exercise of putting the tip of my tongue onto the roof of my mouth, pausing, repeating, et cetera, ad infinitum. I can think of better things to do avec ma langue.)

I'm, um, thinking that at the office holiday gala, with my bow tie on and pinkie out, I'll try to impress someone (well, someone with ample cleavage, of course) by breezily dropping terms like parapraxis (or parapraxes, plural) or Fehlleistung (Fehlleistungen). The German is literally "faulty performance." The hope is I'll be referring conversationally to language or memory, not some other kind of, um, "performance."

Before signing off, two things.

One, I've had a fussy awareness of these things even before I read the book (evidently, that's why my friend from WebPros sent it to me), so today it was amusing to hear a public official say at a forum several times: "flush it out" instead of "flesh it out." (Well, he was referring to an aqueduct.) (I once knew a colleague who thought "flesh it out" was too meaty and gross an expression, and she wasn't even a vegan!)

Second, a slight disclaimer: as I was reading the book, I contacted the author. He was gracious in replying. In my experience, most authors are very gracious, just as John Updike was admirably kind when I met him in the lobby of Random House in the 1980s.