counting clicks

Sure, they say it is all about clicks, and "they" are talking about calculating website visitations, drilldowns, pageloads, pauses, meanderings, and that sort of digital thing. SEO. All that. Not that I for one have ever been fully persuaded by such sales pitches and alleged monetary equations. Back in 2008, when I first started my business, I had people pitch me this or that "SEO optimization" scheme with robust assurances that such clicks would yield the sound of coins jingling in my pocket, or the silent chafing of high-denomination bills in my pants. I never fell for such outsized pitches, not for the type of work I was doing and still am performing. But I want to make a point about "clicks," and the point is this: is there any more resolutely and resoundingly certain a click than the sound of clicking shut the plastic top of your shampoo container in the shower? (I don't use conditioner, so we're talking shampoo, unless the shampoo has a conditioner built in.) Click. I love that sound, its unmistakable identity, its signature backstory of rushing water, frothing hair, cascading suds. Click. The signal of an act completed, the transition to rinsing and then the steaming nudity of inescapable self. Click. Where there is no counting, save the solo aria of One. (Or is it Zero?) Click. 

SEO Alert

SEO. Search engine optimization. SEO. I recently did some contract work involving SEO, the Internet's nimble attmpt at subliminal brainwashing, I mean, keyword searching.

I could be wrong, but that's probably why and how typing the words "pussy willow" on a search engine will likely yield a cornucopia of porn sites (would that be corn-u-porn?). Resist as I might, I can't not try that, to see if that's true. Curiosity is killing this cat.

So let me minimize this window on Firefox and try it on Safari.

Be right back.

The results on Google did surprise me. No, I did not get the names of strippers or budding (get it? buds?) pornstars. At least not at first. In fact, the first hit, from Wikipedia, tells how Russian Orthodox and Polish and Bavarian Roman Catholics use pussy willows on Palm Sunday. Figures. It's cold in them there parts.

This is not surprising because I've seen people walking out of Tipperary Hill's St. John's Ukrainian Catholic Church with pussy willows on Palm Sunday. And I was not hung over.

Speaking of SEO alerts, the following is a test, an SEO test. In the event of a real nuclear apocalyptic event, kiss your ass goodbye.

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solipsism Kocak Kierkegaard Soren Kierkegaard Soren Kierkegaard Laughorist Laughorist Laughorism Paul Kocak Kierkegaard Kierkegaard Kierkegaard Kierkegaard Kierkegaard
Soren Kierkegaard Soren Kierkegaard Kierkegaard Kierkegaard Soren Kierkegaard Kierkegaard birthday May 5 Kierkegaard Kierkegaard Kierkegaard Soren Kierkegaard Laughorist Laughorism Laughorism Laughorism Soren Kierkegaard Soren Kierkegaard Kierkegaard Kierkegaard Kierkegaard Soren Kierkegaard Soren Kierkegaard Kierkegaard

Now back to our abnormal normal bla-ha-ha-hogging.