Friday, August 11, 2006

Limited Time Offer

"Limited Time Offer."

Ever think how absurd that bit of adspeak is? I mean (aside from the hyphen missing from the first two words), what's it mean?

You tell me: name a consumer item that is not in some way constrained by time. I know, I know, no one's gonna say, "Eternal Offer," 'cept maybe one of them clever or trying-to-clever slogans on a marquee outside a church.

This brings to mind a few others (with choice Laughorist editorial comment):

While Supplies Last (if you're thinking this somehow applies to my sex life, I have a resounding NO COMMENT)

Doctor-Approved (what kind of doctor? is it a schmuck with a doctorate in marketing humping some product? is it the brother-in-law's cousin's neighbor's niece of the owner?)

Buy Now (ah yes, appealing to impulse buyers, like me).

I know I'm missing a whole bunch that you loyal readers will chime in on. Bring 'em on.

P.S. I need a signature sign-off, something like The Meloncutter's "Take care yall" (do I have it right, MC?). Hey, it's all part of branding, hunh? I've thought of "Keep smiling" but that's revoltingly Disneyesque and doesn't account for the arch or sardonic tone that often pervades this space (plus lots of times I just ain't funny, such as yesterday, or ever, in the view of some, er, assholes). Something like "Keep breakfasting"? (or whatever that goofy Cornflake King signs off with). I'm thinking cyber-out-loud here. How about: "Grin and bare it" or "Laugh or else"? Maybe "Keep on smirkin'"? Anyway, would my personality allow such never-changing constancy and consistency?


meloncutter said...

How about....."FREE GIFT". I tend to think that is the oxymoron from hell. Nothing is ever free. Speaking of "oxymorons", do you ever watch that guy that peddles the "oxyclean" stuff?

I use myself, "MANAGER SPECIAL" to get people to buy my overstocked stuff.

How about.... "New Low Price". The trick on that one is to gradually raise the price to wild levels and then bring it down to a bigger profit margin than original to make the customer think it's a bargain.

Dang.... I could do this all day.

So I wont take your time.


meloncutter said...

Oh yeah, on the signature sign off, I considered several before I settled on "Later Yall". I almost went with "Eat crap and die you ignorant hillbilly dipweenies" but I thought eventually that might offend someone. I shall give some thought to this and maybe I can help you with some suggestions.

Later Yall....


How about 'new and improved' (usually the same old stuff, but at a higher price).

Michael C said...

Possible sign offs: "Laugh it up"

"Don't stop laughing"

"What the hell are you looking at"

"Ya'll come back now"

"Till we blog again"

If anything, maybe it'll spur you on to think of a much better sign off ;-)

jbwritergirl said...

My favorite is always the 'going out of business' sign. We have one store here that has been going out of business for seven years. Go figure! You have to figure this is just great marketing because otherwise I would think these people were too stupid to figure out how to lock the door and go away.

I think your signature should be

"Laugh Loud"


Dafath said... the day wears on...?


Odat said...

How about:
Laugh Often,

Army said...

I, too, love the phrase "new and improved" because if it's new, how it is improved? Doesn't new imply novelty? Hmm...

As for the sign-off, I think you have some good recommendations here. I recommend AGAINST anything like LOL, LMAO, etc. A bit too chat-speak and frankly, overplayed.

For some reason, the sign-off "Chuckles" sounds quite absurd, and therefore, a possibility in my mind. (shrugs)