"Limited Time Offer."
Ever think how absurd that bit of adspeak is? I mean (aside from the hyphen missing from the first two words), what's it mean?
You tell me: name a consumer item that is not in some way constrained by time. I know, I know, no one's gonna say, "Eternal Offer," 'cept maybe one of them clever or trying-to-clever slogans on a marquee outside a church.
This brings to mind a few others (with choice Laughorist editorial comment):
While Supplies Last (if you're thinking this somehow applies to my sex life, I have a resounding NO COMMENT)
Doctor-Approved (what kind of doctor? is it a schmuck with a doctorate in marketing humping some product? is it the brother-in-law's cousin's neighbor's niece of the owner?)
Buy Now (ah yes, appealing to impulse buyers, like me).
I know I'm missing a whole bunch that you loyal readers will chime in on. Bring 'em on.
P.S. I need a signature sign-off, something like The Meloncutter's "Take care yall" (do I have it right, MC?). Hey, it's all part of branding, hunh? I've thought of "Keep smiling" but that's revoltingly Disneyesque and doesn't account for the arch or sardonic tone that often pervades this space (plus lots of times I just ain't funny, such as yesterday, or ever, in the view of some, er, assholes). Something like "Keep breakfasting"? (or whatever that goofy Cornflake King signs off with). I'm thinking cyber-out-loud here. How about: "Grin and bare it" or "Laugh or else"? Maybe "Keep on smirkin'"? Anyway, would my personality allow such never-changing constancy and consistency?