Friday, July 11, 2008

Portmanteau, Ohs and Ahs


From the Washington Post's Style Invitational humor contest:



Report From Week 769

in which we asked for portmanteau words -- words combining two words in which at least two letters overlap: Most people had no trouble noticing that the words had to begin with a letter from S to Z; those who sent entries from all over the alphabet (a group that may or may not include a Mr. Chuck Smith of Woodbridge) should hold on to them for when we repeat this contest with other letters, providing we are still here and all that.

Among the most common words offered was "soporifiction," variously defined as the works of Henry James, Dostoevski, Thoreau and Danielle Steel. A special telegraphy prize goes to the (we swear) eight-time Loser who sent "Yodelegate: To delegate to another the task of yodeling" AND "Sugarlic: Sugar stored next to a bag of garlic" AND "Swedental: A Swedish dental plan."

5. Shamigo: A fair-weather friend. (Dave Prevar, Annapolis)

4. Senescenterfold: The highlight of the redesigned, retargeted AARP Magazine. (Bryan Crain, Modesto, Calif.)

3. Tontology: If you're the LONE Ranger, kemo sabe, then who am I? (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)

2. the winner of the plush toy scissors labeled "moyel": Soldermatology: For when you really want that facelift to last. (Patrick Mattimore, Gex, France)

And the Winner of the Inker

Treadmillstone: The unused home gym that keeps staring at you. (Rick Haynes, Potomac)

Bottomfoolery: Honorable Mentions

Storment: To interrupt the "Lost" finale to broadcast weather warnings for some county 100 miles away. (Pam Sweeney, Germantown)

Stripper diem: Daily expense allowance for conventioneers. (Pam Sweeney)

Satantrum: The toddler's meltdown from Hell. (Bob Kurlantzick, Potomac)

Scarecrowd: A parade of fashion models. (Larry Yungk, Arlington)

Sebummer: A prom night zit. (Dave Komornik, Danville, Va.)

Semensch: The ideal sperm donor. (Stacey Kenkermath, Alexandria)

Sepsisters: Siblings whose relationship is beyond dysfunctional. (Ellen Raphaeli, Falls Church)

Shishkabul: The grilling of prisoners in Afghanistan. (Dave Prevar)

Siblingo: The secret language spoken between twins. (Kathy Hardis Fraeman, Olney)

Simpledge: "Yes." (Dave Prevar)

Slothario: A man who lures women to bed just to sleep. (Russell Beland, Springfield; Patrick Mattimore)

Spamputate: To delete the entire junk mail basket. (Ari Unikoski, Tel Aviv)

Spinacheerios: A healthy cereal that didn't prove very popular with children. (Emery Walters, Reston, a First Offender)

Spongeneration: The move-back-home Gen-Y. (Dave Prevar)

Springsteenchilada: Even if you weren't born to run, you'll run. (N.G. Andrews, Portsmouth, Va.)

Stigmatata: The disgrace of a teenage girl caught stuffing Kleenex in her bra. (Roy Ashley, Washington)

Substandardize: Bring everything down to the lowest common denominator. (Marty McCullen, Gettysburg, Pa.)

Sudafederales: Brave agents who protect our nation from smuggled foreign cold medicines. (Pam Sweeney)

Successpool: Where you have to go to get filthy rich. (Russ Taylor, Vienna)

Syphilisterine: For when bad breath is the least of your problems. (Chris Rollins, Cumberland, Md.)

Tattoops: "It's supposed to be ROSE, not ROSS!" (Barry Koch, Catlett, Va.)

Testosteronearsighted: Having an affliction that prevents men from seeing dirty dishes in the sink. (Kathy Hardis Fraeman)

Theologymnasts: Those who perform amazing leaps and twists of logic to make Scripture seem to justify their political views. (David Komornik)

Thesaurustic : A charmingly simple dictionary; coarse; lacking refinement; unsophisticated. (John O'Byrne, Dublin)

Threnodynamics: The art of putting on a lively funeral. (Lars Wiberg, Rockport, Mass., a First Offender)

Timpanini: Italian drum rolls. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

Warmadillo: Fresh Texan roadkill. (Kevin Dopart)

Tornadolescence: An unpredictable, destructive force of nature that can leave houses in shambles; i.e., adolescence in general. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)

Torquemadam: The head dominatrix. (Chris Doyle)

Wiretapestry: The drapes in the FBI building. (Rick Haynes)

Twelfthirsty: The time when the women at the bar begin to look better. (Michael Mason, Fairfax)

Ungodlyricist: A sinner-songwriter. (Marc Boysworth, Burke)

Undressay: "Dear Penthouse Forum . . ." (Marc Boysworth)

Upholsteroid: An overstuffed recliner that takes up half the family room. (Michael Turniansky, Pikesville, Md.)

Wonderbrahman: Director of costume design for Frederick's of Bollywood. (Chris Doyle)

Urinalmost: What results from the "ready-fire-aim" approach. (Dan Ramish, Vienna)

Velcro-Magnon: The cretin at the party who just won't leave you alone. (Pam Sweeney)

Vermillionaire: A guy who drives a Bentley but whose accounts are deep in the red. (Russell Beland)

Viagrarian: A farmer who can plow the land for four hours without stopping to rest. (Roy Ashley)

Virtuoso-so: One who gives a surprisingly disappointing performance. (Beverley Sharp, Washington)

Vituperationalize: To justify one's harsh criticism of others, particularly in an election year. "We meant only to educate the voters about my opponent's lack of patriotism," the candidate vituperationalized. (John Shea, Lansdowne, Pa.)

Vomitzvah: A fraternity initiation rite. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney)

Whalecher: A man who peeks into the dressing rooms at Lane Bryant. (Emery Walters)

Whomily: A lecture on the moral rightness of good grammar. (Chris Doyle)

Worshippodrome: A megachurch. (John O'Byrne)

Xenamby-pamby: The Warrior Princess's prissy sister. (Mel Loftus, Holmen, Wis.)

Yiddishabille: Same black suit and black hat, but no shirt. (J. Larry Schott, Gainesville, Fla.)

Zentertainer: A performer who receives applause only in the form of one hand clapping. (Brian Herget, Annandale, whose only previous ink was in 1996, when he won a T-shirt)

3 comments:

Patti said...

These are great fun. I wish I could come up with one.

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