Sunday, March 11, 2007

Out of Time, Out of Steps


"Does anybody really know what time it is?" is the refrain, I believe, of an old song by the group Chicago. Maybe it should be the temporary national anthem of the United States. I mean, really. This Daylight Saving Time thing is putting us through a national jet lag, and for what? Allegedly to save energy. Right. I'm with the critics who say it smacks of both paternalism and Puritanism. And where do they put all this saved daylight anyway, into the Federal Light Reserve Bank? Can people with seasonal affective disorder (SAD) draw from it during dark times? Is it all because someone wanted to give up time for Lent?

As I speak, so to speak, my kid is awake, goggle-eyed (whereas, I'm more Google-eyed), not tired enough to go to sleep because her body is telling her it is one hour earlier in yesterday's time. And I, night owl, am not nearly tired enough either.

But, oh, we'll be paying for it tomorrow. Oh yeah.

And that's just what the Puritans want, the "dawnists" who feel more virtuous than us the benighted, by virtue of their being early risers. (Disclaimer: I do not detect such condescension at all in the Secretary of Dawns.)

And it just dawned on me that the association of nonmorning people with night, darkness, subterfuge, shadows, and let's come out and just say it, evil, is some vast conspiracy, some huge public relations campaign against us owls, the burners of the midnight oil.

We are unproductive laggards, slackers, to the rolled-up-sleeves, go-get-'em elan of the Babbitt-Midwest-virtuous Aurora addicts.

My bet is most bloggers are night's-talkers, not ante meridiem mavens.

Ah, the good ol' twelve-hour clock.

What is it about twelve anyway? Twelve hours before noon, twelve hours after noon, twelve months, twelve apostles, twelve tribes of Israel, twelve imams, twelve days of Christmas, and, um, Twelve Steps, needed for "nocturnaholics."

They only meet if they can't sleep.

At night.

In bed. After all, nocturnaholics are viewed as naughty, if viewed at all, in the dark.


The coinages dawnist(s) and nocturnaholic(s) are copyright 2007 by The Laughorist, a.k.a. Pawlie Kokonuts. These neologisms are to be emulated by all his serial-comma-loving minions.

4 comments:

Dafath said...

the secretay of dawns is also the connosieur of the dark
though like a gordon's martini with just the slightest taste of vermouth (those modern elitist gins, Tanqueray and Bombay eschew the vermouth)I prefer my dark to conform to arguments of the conspirators and be tainted with just a bit of evil:
God, you know, was no Puritan

agd

mist1 said...

As none of my clocks have the correct time on them, I hardly noticed the time change.

All my clocks flash 12:00 12:00 12:00, I am part of the 12 conspiracy.

azgoddess said...

ah, it's time you moved to a more sane state -- like arizona -- we just watch you-all in your need for more daylight...which i think was the best reason they came up with for this insanity...

and for the record -- now you got me singing that chicago song in my head...there will be a price to pay for this -- laughing!

Natalie said...

I really was fine on Monday but today I think I was paying for the lost hour. However, I keep my clock set about 17 minutes fast anyway (I change it every few days) so I shouldn't have been too confused. I need it to be on time places, and I am still often late