Friday, November 03, 2006

Motion-Activated

So I'm in the men's room. . .

(Is it still called the loo? How did that term come about? Do they still say w.c. in the U.K.? Doesn't w.c. stand for water closet? Sounds quaint. In the U.S., we call them bathrooms, as a euphemism, but let me tell you, when the homeless guys are taking a bath, at the sink, at the Port Authority Bus Terminal in Manhattan, it ain't too quaint. But I digress. "Is it perfume from a dress that makes me so digress?" The answer is yes. But not any perfume found in a men's room, which is where I started this post. Oh. And in Ireland, they were called toilets. Straightforward.)


. . . and I have a need to dry my hands. . .

(I don't like those hair dryer moronic things on the wall, the ones that never work, and you just end up rubbing your hands on your pants, or under your arms, or elsewhere.)


. . .so the paper towel dispenser claims to operate in a manner that is declared MOTION-ACTIVATED. I wave at the machine like I'm waving goodbye to my youth. Or flirting with the security guard who is observing me on some camera. Or making some gay overture to some Republican ex-Congressman or outed right-wing religious zealot who is against gay marriage.

Hello? HERR MOTION-ACTIVATED DAEMON? !

To paraphrase Ratso Rizzo (Dustin Hoffman [whom some strangers have said I resemble] in "Midnight Cowboy":

"I'm wavin' heah!"

I kept waving. I thought of trying some Latin, maybe Age quod agis since it looked as if I was performing some kind of benediction (or as Michelle of Michelle's Spell would add, malediction).

I switched from a testosterone-driven frantic waving to a more gentle, almost regal, wave. Then I remembered where I was. A Men's Room.

And the paper towel appeared. (Not enough of it.) I rubbed my hands.

And walked out.

Into the mall, aswarm in nubile bodies. Meaning lots of hot young chicks.

Friday night. Pheromones in the air. MOTION-ACTIVATED indeed!

(Look, just as the Republicans are trying to shore up their base [I hope they fail], I'm lamely trying to win back my male readers. But they probably weren't my base to begin with.)

Carry on.

As you were.

Laugh. Or....

Else.


P.S. I think I am up for Recent Commenter Lee's 50-word-story challenge. Let me sleep on it. But I warn you. I'm told I snore.

9 comments:

Crankster said...

Isn't it amazing how much all our little electronic conveniences make us look like loons? Waving at hairdryers, talking into miniature microphones, rubbing our hands underneath faucets...technology has made us into retarded mimes.

Sheila said...

hahaha. I had that problem in the ladies room. I kept waving and the damn thing wouldn't dispense anything. It was mocking me. Then I stepped aside and some other lady did THE SAME THING I DID and poof it appeared like some kind of retarded magic for her. So I proceeded to exclaim WHAT THE FUCK and I rubbed my hands on my jeans and walked out.

Michelle's Spell said...

Great post with many good points! As for right wing religious zealots, well, it's always nice to see a little justice served! Ha! There is no light without darkness and people would do well to accept that fact.

Anonymous said...

Well, I am still here. Your last male reader. Don't worry I will stick with ya to the end.

And snoring ain't bad if you do it loud enough they can't hear you fart.

Later Y'all....

JR's Thumbprints said...

Hey, I'm back. I didn't desert you. It's just--I get a tad bit traumatized when there's ten urinals in a row and someone's got to stand right next to me. Especially, considering my latest health issues. Just remember, I'm a real cowboy and I'd never quit you (perhaps I should've rephrased that). You know what I mean.

C said...

I like the motion detecting paper towel dispensing thingys. Less germs on my hands. But then you have to touch the door handle that other non-handwashing grossies touched before you so I try to hang on to the paper towel to open the door.

Anonymous said...

We have them at work. (I just figure, the low bidder). However, I figured out a way to get MORE towel out of it instead of just that lil piece it dispeneses!) Just call me at 1-800-getmoretowel.
Yeah I've notice that there's a lot of motion activated "stuff" going on these days. ;-)
Peace

Anonymous said...

I am waiting....

Anonymous said...

I hate all motion sensor things because they never work the way I want them too. My least favorite are the automatically flushing toilets. I love the hands free germlessness of them but i don't like when i reach for TP and it flushes and sprays my bottom. yuck.