Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Hand Jive

According to wire service reports, a doctor pleaded not guilty to stealing a hand [full stop, as the Brits say]. From a medical school cadaver. In, where else, New Jersey.

He allegedly stole the hand to give to an, um, exotic dancer in, where else, L.A. They say she kept the hand in a jar of formaldehyde in her, um, bedroom. They say she called the thing "Freddy." (Why not "Cold Hand Luke?")

One wonders if she used (or planned on using) the left hand (it so happens I'm left-handed, as well as alive, so I can assure you it was not my hand. Like, I wish!) on the job, so to speak, or at home, in her bedroom. (For at least once in my life, I will resist temptation, in this case the temptation to use an obviously vulgar term that describes a certain digitally manipulated sexual act. There. I've resisted. Technically, at least.)

Maybe it was to be a prop for her cover of "I Wanna Hold Your Hand."

Or perhaps classical music grabbed her interest more (e.g., Handel).

Or it was just a ghoulish fashion accessory; it made her handsome.

I know, you were worried I was getting lax on the humor side.

Maybe I'm a bit rusty. But you can handle it.

"Only the hand that erases can write the true thing,"

Meister Eckhart

(Meister Eckhart is a favorite of mine, plus that's one of my favorite quotations, stylistically and spiritually; I know, I've got some nerve bringing "spiritual" into the discussion.)

Laugh. Or....

Else.

20 comments:

The Bizarre Jokester said...

ha ha ha! this one's good. nice blog! keep up the good work!


The JOKES Blog

Anonymous said...

this happened not too far from where I live....the err, dancer's "friends" complete with body piercings, appeared on TV stating that all she used it for was a decoration in her living room, (wink, wink).
I'm reminded of ....."the sound of one hand clapping".....;-)
Peace!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Ogden Nash wrote the following about Sally Rand, a famous nude fan dancer from the 20's or 30's.

Sally Rand
Needs an extra hand.

Pawlie Kokonuts said...

Hearts:
FANtastic! Plus, me Giants won today -- but they're done, I fear.

mist1 said...

Ewwwww...Odat with the One Hand Clap. That sh*t burns. Go to the doctor ASAP!

Pawlie Kokonuts said...

Mist1:
Just remember us little folks in the blogosphere after you land that job at SNL or Letterman or The Daily Show or wherever. You're quick. The kokonuts man salutes your wit -- your site is abundantly witty too.

Anonymous said...

I have deep fears that she is a closet mad scientist. "IT'S ALIVE". Her name was not by chance, "Fronkensteen" was it? Or maybe after a while she would stuff it. (mind out of the gutter, I was referring to taxidermy style stuffing)

Were it me, I would put it into the Flying bird position, make castings of it and sell them at flea markets as dash ornaments for 4x4 trucks.

The possibilities are numerous.

Later Yall.....

Anonymous said...

I've got to give her a hand for trying....ok, sorry.

I bet it comes in "handy"

Maybe the dancer needed a handy man around the house.

I've heard about hands across America, but this is rediculous.

I bet trying to hide that appendage is a handful.

Is her favorite composer Handel

I'll stop for now, my hand is getting tired of typing...

Anonymous said...

Maybe she just needed a hand...

I'm sure they did this in an episode of Ally McBeal?

CoralPoetry said...

The Laughorist,

I tried to view your blog, but got re-directed to another page loads of times. Just thought you might want to know.

Here is a recent story that may appeal to your sense of weirdness.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2006420225,00.html

Coral

Sheila said...

Wow... that's really fucked up... I just can't think of anything else to say. I guess everyone needs a hand once in a while eh? hehehe ;o)

nick napoli said...

"She wants a man with a slow hand
She wants a lover with an easy touch"

Just to add to the irony, that song was done by the
Pointer Sisters.

Anonymous said...

When asked by reporters where the hand had gone, the medical
school admitted that they were stumped.

OK, I'll stop now....

azgoddess said...

oh oh oh - i got one

maybe she was using it as hand cream...

ok ok, i'll stop now...

JR's Thumbprints said...

I skimmed your post, didn't have time to read everything, so he lent her a hand ... what's the big deal?

JR's Thumbprints said...

Oh, I'm sorry for the offhand remark.

Pawlie Kokonuts said...

Ouch! You people are hands-down the wittiest.

curmudgeon said...

"Now let's give a big hand to [whateverthestrippersnameis] for an excellent show!"

Well, you've gotta hand it to the guy - It is a unique gift. Now gimme a hand with the lid to this jar, wouldja?

Andrew said...

I'd guess the guy was playing poker and decided to throw in his hand.

jbwritergirl said...

I guess you got to hand it to the guy. I say give him a hand!!!

JB