eyes wide closed

I've been a napper for as long as I can remember. I was a preemie, and my mother says I've always needed more sleep. I invoke that to defend any nap, anytime, all these years later. About twenty years ago, a colleague and I would leave our workplace and drive to Snooze Alley, as my co-worker labeled it. Near a strip mall a mile down the road from our office, we would eat our lunches in our respective cars and then take a little snooze. Chris would go all in, reclining his seat all the way back. I was not that radical. Nevertheless, we never overdid it. Our snoozes never made us late for returning to the office. Close, but not quite. A good 15 or 20 minutes was fine. This was before the term "power nap" came into vogue. Chris and I believed in the restorative benefits of our nearly daily habit. In Japan, sleeping on the job is a sign of diligence. It's called inemuri, "sleeping on duty." It says, in effect, that this person is working so hard they need a break. But it is fraught with cultural distinctions. Men get away with it more readily, as does upper management. No inemuri on the assembly line. The culture also dictates that inemuri practitioners obey unwritten norms regarding form and space. In other words, don't sprawl out under the conference table, or take up half the subway seat or park bench. I suspect drooling is frowned upon. Don't you agree that America could use a healthy dose of inemuri? I do. Along somewhat different lines, the Japanese have traditionally put employees out to pasture in ways that differ from ours. Sometimes an employee regarded as a has-been is assigned to become a window watcher, a member of the “madogiwa zoku,” or the “window seat tribe.” They sit by the window, with nothing to do, and get paid for it. This would not be allowed in our Puritan-work-ethic-driven society. I guess the idea is to force the members of this glum lot to resign. I suppose they could simply sit by the window and snooze, combining the best of inemuri and madogiwa zoku. These practices make me want to go to Japan, or to evangelize such practices in America. America has forgotten the virtue of laziness. People in hot countries enjoy their siestas. They've been around a lot longer than we have. In the long run, they are not lazy. They are sensible and human. This year, France instituted a law that limited after-hours emails. Workers have a right to disconnect. Volkswagen did this with its employees in 2012. Glad I have a 2007 VW Rabbit. Time for a nap. See ya.

insomnia collage

type click light dark traffic brain pulse caffeinated curled pillow walk-ing pinging pulse pulsing breathe breath breathy breather snore awoke awake wish snore more some more droopy eyelids wish list sheep fence count sound silence sleep dream

Tagging Alert

When you saw the heading "tagging alert," you assumed The Laughorist was referring to the blogging phenomenon of tagging, which I won't explain because a) I hardly know what it is (is it a meme chose in English?) and b) I rarely indulge. No, I was referring to the ominous tag one finds on a pillow or a mattress, the one that says:

UNDER PENALTY OF LAW THIS TAG NOT TO BE REMOVED EXCEPT BY THE CONSUMER

or words to that effect.

It used to be more foreboding, with the last four words omitted.

The nightmares this caused me as a kid!

Years ago, say in the early 1970s, The Saturday Review magazine, now defunct, I believe, had a cartoon about this. A house was surrounded by tanks, a helicopter with spotlights on the home, and military personnel. The caption read something like: "We have word you tore off a mattress tag."

I once heard this tagging business had something to do with tracing fibers in the event of a crime, something enacted after the Lindbergh baby kidnapping. I am too lazy to research the accuracy of that.

I do know it is meant as a protection against consumer fraud in these sleep products, aiming to prevent vermin and what-not in pillows and mattresses. (Well, c'mon, the manufacturer simply cannot be held responsible when a drunken person drags home a nasty critter to one's pillow or mattress. I mean, let's be reasonable. While we're on the subject, ever notice how when a person describes the effects of bringing home a less-than-attractive bedmate, only to discover the unpalatable horror of it all the next morning, NO ONE EVER ADMITS TO BEING THE UGLY ONE?!?) Anyway, the tag is meant to prevent manufacturers from putting in ostrich feathers when they declare the contents to be peacock feathers or genuine synthetic beaver bristles or whatever.

This came to mind because I recently bought a pillow from Target. And then another one. At first I thought I wanted a hard one. didn't work. Neither does the soft one. My Goldilocks Syndrome is killing me. A pillow is such an intimate device. And I am such a fussy, challenged sleeper.

Warning tags.

Our society puts such a premium on these intimate sleep products.

Can you imagine the warning labels we could really use?

How about the same sort of dire warning labels for fast-food products, ill-fitting undies, workplace cubicles, automotive vehicles, babies, textbooks, computer manuals, marriages, credit cards, sitcoms, dating services, airport novels, and would-be-humorous bloggers? Hunh? How about it?

Ich bin tired Berliner

Something like 1.5 hrs sleep in the last 36 hrs, und so:

graffiti, Brandenburg gate, memorial to Europe's Jews, S-bahn, U-bahn, BLT mit chicken @ Einsteins, St Hedwig Kathedral, Unter den Linden, smoking in public places, Potsdamer Platz, sirens that go deeeee-doooo deee-doooooo rhythmically, portions of the Wall, slower pace than New York City, rain, sun, rain, wind, the Reichstag, Staatsoper Ballett, Miro, the bibliotheque, the Berliner Dom, Alexanderplatz, honor system.

G'night.

Sleep. Or....

Die.