Googlenopes

Being wrung out from another Monday that has me pondering self-inflicted retirement, I offer you someone else's humor:

A Googlenope is a term coined by Gene Weingarten of The Washington Post. It means you get no hits on Google when the words are enclosed by quotation marks. The Googlenopes linked right here are courtesy of The Style Invitational of The Washington Post. (Of course, now they may no longer qualify as Googlenopes.)

My personal favorite is:

"DIY Extreme Unction" submitted by Elden Carnahan of Laurel, Maryland.

(Elden and I have chatted on the phone but have never met, though we almost ran into one another at a Loserpalooza about 10 years ago. Fate had other plans.)

I submitted some examples, but none made the Googlenope grade, as judged by The Empress.

By popular demand (at least as demanded by Glamourpuss), here are my entries:

1. my hemorrhoids are like asteroids
2. Only my gynecologist knows for sure
3. Ich bin ein Style Invitational Loser [or Verlierer]
4. fight global hamming
5. birth-control device = children
6. 24/7 times 365 except for Armageddon
7. make sure all words are spelled corectly
8. my children are flying magpies
9. dance of the seven veils and one lonely rhino
10. media mucilage
11. name-recognition mucilage
12. the mucilage of one faux pas
13. faux pas mucilage
14. 1,212-step program
15. Harry Potter's knickers fetish
16. do I get paid in euros, dollars, or goat cheese?
17. your sister, she needs immigration help, yes?
18. I am John Edwards's hair and I want to be your president
19. It was a serial-comma killing punctuated by ejaculatory expletives
20. your kilt is rising, alas
21. Bonds retorted, kiss my asterisk
22. your cat is healthy snack
23. I have a 36-ounce Adirondack slugger

You decide if my schtuff merited ink.