Ash Wednesday

In an effort to be au courant, as well as attuned to the zeitgeist, the Vatican has announced several changes to the words pronounced when ashes are administered on Ash Wednesday. The traditional form, derived from Genesis 3:19 (see below) is reserved as an option, in accordance with the wishes of the administering priest:

Remember, man, that thou art dust and unto dust thou shalt return.

For those insisting on Latin:

Memento, homo, quia pulvis es, et in pulverem reverteris.

Among the new variations, still in draft form, and subject to approval by national bishops' conferences, are the following:

Remember, nonbinarian, that they are dust and unto dust they shall return.

Remember, you are organic, locally sourced dust and unto dust (i.e., sustainable soil) you'll eventually return to a carbon-neutral footprint.

Remember, privileged patriarch, you are dust, nothing but dust, and your world order is crumbling like dust.

Remember, matriarchal goddess, you are Earth Mother cosmic dust, nurturing stars and planets and galaxies forever.

Remember, venerable vegan, you are gluten-free dust. No animals were harmed in creating these plant-based ashes.

Remember, white privileged capitalist consumer elitist, y'all ain't nothin' but dust and the revolution will not be televised (but it will be recorded on our phones).