round 'em up! . . . or down!

Some countries force buyers and sellers to round their commercial transactions up or down. There are lots of ways to implement cash rounding, depending on the local custom and the level of currency involved. For example, cash rounding might eliminate all coins or only designated fractions of a currency. Thus, $3.61 could be rounded up to $4.00 or it might be rounded down to $3.60. This technique, also known as Swedish rounding owing to its 1972 introduction in that Scandinavian nation, makes for simplicity and ease of use. I imagine it all sort of evens out in terms of income gained or lost. It must. After all, when an American taxpayer fills out the tax forms in April or earlier, the IRS does not require coin amounts, allowing those who file to round up or down. Tax software typically employs rounding.

Before going any further, let me say I love the Swedish word for "öre rounding": öresavrundning, though I'm not sure how to pronounce it. But I can hear its melodic lilt. Think of the öre as a penny in the United States, except that unlike the miserly penny it was discontinued in 2010. 

Now, as I am wont to do, let's jump to other roundingness situations.

Once upon a time, I went on a trip with two friends, one of them an engineer. We all decided to share expenses such as car rental, hotel, tolls, and gas. At the trip's conclusion, the engineer announced how much each person owed IN DOLLARS AND CENTS. Spare me! Or should I say, don't spare-change me! I objected then, and would now, that among friends we need not break it down into fractions of a dollar. What would one call this: Midwestern Reader's Digest Pecuniary Persnicketiness? I say that, although I confess to similar attributes as a fussy editor. But this is different. To me, it resonates with a moral exactitude rooted in the notion of a Fastidious Bookkeeper Omnipotent Being. 


What sort of person is ruled by such calculations? Does their viewpoint block any vision of the Incalculable? Or am I employing some sort of reverse superiority?

I am tempted to posit that select cultures foster such fastidiousness in daily affairs, not just regarding financial obligations. But that would invite the most prosaic and banal of stereotypes.

I hereby declare Round 'Em Up! 

Teachers and professors, round up the grades of your subjects.

Parents, round up the praises of your kids' accomplishments.

Police officers, round up the numbers on those Breathalyzer tests!

Law officers, round up the mph of cars whizzing by you! (I threw those last two in there for all those who figured I was going all soft and snowflaky on you.) 

Employers, round up the hourly wage of every minion mining profits for you.

For that matter, round down, too.

Dear Father Confessors, round down the sins and peccadilloes of your penitents.

Umpires, round down the strikes of the whiff artists at the plate.

Finally to all cable news pundits, analysts, consultants, moderators, anchors, and co-anchors: round down the decibels. 

Round down to zero. (Perfect for nihilists.)