Mobular Prognostications

Last year I discovered we have HBO on a TV upstairs, although we never asked for it (it must've fallen off a truck), so I became a latecomer fan of "The Sopranos." I thought I wouldn't be able to follow it, given all the twists and turns of the previous seven or so years. But, hey, I enjoy it, right from the theme song. (Well, one or two shows this season were total bombs.) It's a great tragicomic epic soap opera with broads and bullets. (Best hilarious line last week: "It doesn't take a gynecologist to know which way the wind's blowing.") It's weird. Just when you begin to sympathize with Tony Soprano, he whacks someone or knocks eight teeth out of someone's skull (with a bit of tooth shrapnel in his pants cuff found when he's at his therapist's).

I'm gonna miss it. Sunday is the finale.

So,

here are

Top Ten Predictions for 'The Sopranos' Finale

10. A.J. becomes the 11th Democrat to run for President (of the U.S.).

9. Meadow gives up pre-law to run The Bada-Bing.

8. Sil recovers from his wounds and opens a hair salon.

7. Vito's son starts a goth band.

6. Carmela has a sex change, readying her for a starring role in the spin-off "The Altos."

5. Christopher's widow produces "Cleaver 2."

4. Dr. Melfi tries to shoot Carmella but misses.

3. The shrink Elliot whacks Dr. Melfi.

2. Tony Soprano enters the federal Witness Protection Program and assumes the name George W. Bush.

and

1. Paulie Walnuts enters the federal Witness Protection Program as Pawlie Kokonuts.