Thursday, January 25, 2007

Postvacation Vacancy Syndrome

Warning (Achtung!):

I hereby declare sole copyright, ownership, and blogospheric citation privileges for the term Postvacation Vacancy Syndrome (PVS). PVS, often confused with jet lag, is characterized by the following symptoms (along with others that will be attached and codified hereunto vis-a-vis quid pro quo de minimis with the incorporation of your comments [and yours, too]):
  • The inability to formulate common words, phrases, or gesticulations native to one's native tongue or culture (such as it is).
  • The overwhelming urge to cease working (no matter the profession, vocation, or status) immediately and forever.
  • An obsessive and compulsive desire to consult tram, train, airplane, bus, or subway schedules.
  • Profusive sweating and rapid heartbeat brought on by: a) work tasks you were asked to complete in prevacation mode (but may not have completed and probably totally forgot), b) tasks newly revealed through multiple e-mails or voicemails greeting you upon arrival back at your "job," c) tasks requested in the minutes upon returning to your job -- and due immediately, d) any of the above, e) all of the above, or f) none of the above.
  • A lassitude and lethargy toward anything not involving sightseeing, journaling, picture-taking, or sitting in a cafe reading the International Herald Tribune, The New Yorker, or a local newspaper. (Speaking of The New Yorker, reading about a dodo bird expedition to Mauritius consumed much of my reading time on the return trip to Amerika. Entertaining and informative, but doesn't one really want sleep inducement in such a situation? [And don't criticize me for having the introductory phrase of the preceding sentence modify the wrong subject. After all, I am suffering from PVS.])
  • The persistent and recurring delusion that you can move to an exotic location (or mundane foreign location) and succeed financially, romantically, intellectually, artistically, and emotionally (perfectly).

Beware of PVS!

It lurks everywhere and masquerades as jet lag, exhaustion, immaturity, ADHD, midlife crisis, and angst.

Or else, embrace it fully and voluptuously.

Laugh. Or....


p.s. Sheeesh! After first posting this, I discovered that PVS also stands for "persistent vegetative state." Who knew?


Dafath said...

ah or
deutschland uber alles
(guess dats been tried)

Odat said...

I suffer fromo PVS even after having just the weekend off!!!

Glamourpuss said...

I have heard that frequent and prolonged bouts of masturbation are the only cure for PVS.

Pretty Voluptuous Siren optional.


azgoddess said...

one more

* the delusion that buying all the 'toys' in the world makes you more desirable to women. adding to that the most desirable beer gut, flatulance and being able to sing 'god bless america' in burps.

love this post!!!