Thursday, October 26, 2006

Digital Divorce

News item: (and would it matter if I were making it up? THEY are!)

According to Reuters, a Viennese fellow waltzed up to his ex-wife and presented his, um, ex-finger to his ex-wife. Yup. He cut off his finger, with his wedding ring attached to it, and presented it to his former Strauss, I mean, spouse.

This was after what was termed an "acrimonious divorce." Really?

Sheeeeeeesh! It's a good thing Lorena Bobbitt (remember that case, she was attached or married to John Wayne Bobbitt, who eventually got his dinky reattached?) wasn't his defense lawyer. Or maybe she was.

The victim, or the perpetrator (it's soooo confusing), was charged with dangerous harassment and assault for the act.

At a hearing (he did keep his ear, unlike Van Gogh), he said he didn't regret doing it and choosing not to have the member reattached. Then he spontaneously broke into that country song "She Gave Him the Ring, and He Gave Her the Finger."

According to today's New York Times, he said, "It was an act of breaking free." Well, maybe they were actually quoting the finger. Who knows.

Digital Divorcerer said since he's not a proctologist or urologist he could work very well without the finger. And he didn't plan on getting married again anyway, the article concluded.

So I guess one would have to logically conclude that a man at least does not need a finger, or at least a ring finger with a wedding band on it, to be married.

How's that saying go about spiting your nose to save your face? Whatever. I always confuse the saying. Maybe Herr Disfingerlosenziegonekaput was confused too.

I guess I'll think twice now before ordering the Wiener schnitzel (loosely translates as Viennese chop), especially to go, or as take-away, to use the Euro term.

Laugh. Or . . .

Else.

16 comments:

mist1 said...

I bet people would think twice about divorce if this was the accepted process to part ways.

Anonymous said...

Lets hope he doesn't re-marry.

Glamourpuss said...

I will never marry a proctologist now realising what they do with that finger. The thought of a urologist doing it makes me cross my legs and wince.

Puss

azgoddess said...

i think it would have been more appropriate for him to have cut off his middle finger - grin!!

the laughorist said...

Hmmmmm. No men commenting. Yet. Why is that?

And as for proctologists and urologists, I know what happens when I go to the latter of those specialists, but even at this late date I have no idea what goes on "down there" for you gals -- nor do I want to know.

(Picture of me covering my ears and singing loudly.)

Sheila said...

What the hell is wrong with him! geez. couldn't he have just gave her the ring and called her a bitch or something like that. eww. How could you cut off your own finger? Too much pain and suffering for me. He's going to look really silly when he tries to wear gloves. haha

Anonymous said...

That guy is entirely insane. I really liked the story though.

the laughorist said...

Still. No commenters from the male species. Must be hard to type with missing fingers.

the laughorist said...

Well, for the record, I do declare myself a member of the Testosterone Species, so I guess technically speaking there is some comment from the male side (the front). Solipsistic though that is, I can't really say I speak for the whole male race. Hardly. (Or even softly.)

Anonymous said...

Ok.... I just got home from work. The testosterone man of the melon world is here. Here is your comment from the male of the species. Ok here goes......
well.....


Damn........


jeez......


thinking......



still thinking........



crap..........



I got nuttin...


Later yall.......

Anonymous said...

My dog, who is not neutered, is reading this over my shoulder. He is male. Does that count?

woof-wooferist said...

Odat,
Only if his nails are clipped. (It's part of an old joke -- which I'm terrible at tellig.)

Dorky Dad said...

OK, I'm a dude. And I'm commenting. And, um ... why didn't he just, uh ... take the ring off?

Nope. Can't see why that marriage ended. Not at all.

Patt said...

Hes really messed up his chances of being good at ten pin bowling if hes a left handed.If hes not then it should all be fine but he sounds a bit of a nutcase.

Patt said...

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Laura said...

This guy's a nutcase. What is the world coming too. Wonder why she divoriced him?