Netflix and chill

come up and see me sometime
want to see my stamp collection
care for a cup of coffee
a nightcap
some weed
save the last dance for me
play Scrabble
arm wrestle
Gone With the Wind
use your bathroom
use your bedroom
Twister
hide and go seek
the basement tapes
vestibular balance
lost in translation
wanna hold your hand
practice salsa
take in a movie
baby, it's cold outside
life is short
do you have AC
work on that report
sand your floors
a spot of tea
read your palm
rub my neck
do yoga
study for the exam
check your cable connection
light my fire
see my vinyl
sing for my supper
taste your carrot cake
gel with gelato

problems without passports

Space rocks of this size [460 feet or larger] are so-called 'problems without passports' because they are expected to affect whole regions if they collide with Earth.  18 March 2019 BBC News website

I wish someone had told me my problems needed passports -- at least some of them apparently do. I simply could have refused to apply for my problem passport and left the problem in outer space, or wherever passport-required problems are stored. Granted, even a problem with a properly issued passport can be kept at bay via visa restrictions. Everybody knows that. I don't dare ask how one applies for a problem passport, who issues it, which metaphysical countries require it, and what the expiration date is. Let me be frank: why would anyone want to apply for a problem passport? To what good, or cui bono as we were taught in our high school Latin classes. I suppose in accord with some sort of Freudian-Jungian psychology theory, one should face one's problems, not bury or "stuff" them. And this isn't just the advice touted in the realm of psychology or psychiatry. Many religious and spiritual belief systems teach that awareness leads to enlightenment. If so, can't we merely say, "Okay, I'm aware of Problem X. Got it. Next!" Oh, you say, we have to face and work through our problems? If you say so. But why go out of one's way? Don't we have enough nonpassportable problems without having to sign up for more? And one could safely assume that the passport problems are heftier, more intricate, and more ominous. Who needs that? Who's to say we don't have something big at work here, such as World Peace? If governments stopped issuing passports for problems, such unsettling matters would be confined. Consider how nations agree on travel quarantines to stem the spread of terrible sicknesses like the Ebola virus. Yes, the host country, so to speak, still has to manage the crisis, but it's contained. A moratorium on the issuance of problem passports might conceivably isolate the world's problems so that they can be "domesticated," if not solved or cured. Having said all that, I suggest that we aren't talking about problems on such a grand scale. I submit that problems requiring passports exist on a much more personal level. I can't verify this, but I imagine that passport problems, or more accurately problems with passports, are vexing, tense, dramatic, daunting, and life-changing. Nevertheless, they are phrased and formulated with stark simplicity: Why? Why not? Yes or no? When? Should I? Shouldn't I? Oops! I just realized I unintentionally tipped my hand. I accidentally allowed you a glimpse of my own problems without passports because I mistakenly equated simple and challenging questions with problems. Since when did a question become a problem? Hunh? But back to the beginning of this meandering maze of speculation: who issues these passports for problems? Since when? And just who do they think they are? What do they get out of it? (That's easy: control. That's what all passport issuers seek.) Back when I was in junior high (before they were called middle schools), we used to read "The Man Without a Country," a short story by Edward Everett Hale, published in 1863. (Go ahead, Google it. Or Duckduckgo it.) The protagonist renounces his country and is left to spend his days at sea, countryless, adrift and unwelcome everywhere. You can see where I'm going with this. Would it be so bad to be similarly cast at sea never permitted to enter a country with problems, navigating the world's waters without a passport for problems?

Acute Abysmal Chronic Human Wasting Disease (AACHWD)

Acute Abysmal Chronic Human Wasting Disease (AACHWD) is a progressive yet rarely fatal condition classified as a transmissible modern malady (TMM). Symptoms include obsessive-compulsive repetitive behaviors, such as rapid thumb movements, frequent finger-tapping and swiping, bursts of excitement, aphasia, and neuropathy of fingertips. Other observable phenomena linked to AACHWD include voluble cursing at video or digital-device screens, memory loss, insomnia, and rapid heartbeat. Withdrawal attributes include adrenalin letdown, irritability, sullenness, anxiety, moroseness, lethargy, poor appetite, restlessness, and social withdrawal.

Geographic Distribution and Origins

The geographic extent of AACHWD has changed dramatically since June 29, 2007, the date of the inception of the iPhone. Since 2007, the disease has been found globally in free-ranging humans in loci with either concentrated or sparse concentrations of adult homo sapiens. The disease has been increasingly identified outside of the original endemic areas of the United States and industrialized nations. Earlier manifestations of the disease were seen in 1980, first in Japan, coinciding with introduction and popular use of the video game Pac-Man. Designated “eradication zones” around the areas where it was detected have proved ineffective and fruitless. Scientists doubt whether such aggressive management will succeed in eliminating free-ranging foci of AACHWD.

Transmission to Other Animals 

Concerns have been raised about the possible transmission of the AACHWD agent to domestic animals, such as dogs, cats, parakeets, canaries, fish, salamanders, cattle, and sheep, which may come in contact with infected humans. To date, no such transmissions have been observed or reported.

Diagnosis and Treatment
 

To date, no histopathologic, immunohistochemical, and Western blot testing of brain biopsy and autopsy samples have confirmed a AACHWD diagnosis. Clinicians have relied on anecdotal observations of the aforementioned symptoms, but no accurate measurement protocol, regime, or scale exists, leading some scientists to doubt the existence of a verifiable disease.

 

Recent studies have shown limited treatment success correlated to separation from environmental sources of infection, including exposure to smartphones, tablets, laptops, and gaming devices. Even in clinical trials of treatment, however, some patients continued to exhibit progressive aphasia, memory loss, social withdrawal, vision disturbances, and seizure activity leading to status epilepticus or induced coma.

on the spectrum

surely I am on the spectrum

but whose or of what

spectrum of hues


missed cues

crowded by static

or worse yet stasis

hyperfocused or is it hyperfocussed

socially obtuse

you don't get it
 
I got it

who doesn't

fumble fear

being


off the spectrum

floating in dark matter

alien

alone

huddled

solipsistically

solo inherent vice

I went to the movies, by myself.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Is there?
No.
I saw "Inherent Vice."
Rather liked it, not sure why; maybe because of its mix of comedy and film noir. Some combination, eh? (And I enjoyed the acting performances. Does acting by itself ever carry a film? And if you have to remark on the acting, doesn't that count as a negative for the movie as a whole?)
Make of it what you will: a man goes to the movies solo on a Friday night, and the movie he sees is "Inherent Vice."

Alphabetacoincidence

So the four of us are there at Starbucks on a Friday night. Playing Scrabble. Yup. Wild night. You snicker? (Or is that snigger?) You titter? Words can be wild! After all, they can start wars, make peace, declare love, ignite lust, or seal the deal. Amidst gale-force winds generated from air handlers, we trot out a very worn Scrabble board made available for customers. Several of the letters are overwritten with markered letters, presumably to accommodate missing letters. Or because our predecessors were cheaters. So there we are: Beloved Spouse, Ballet Daughter, and Irishstep Daughter (which is infinitely different from Irish stepdaughter), and El Laforisto himself, Pawlie Kokonuts. Our gales of silliness are interspersed with observations regarding fellow customers, stuff like, "They're a handsome couple," or "No, they're not; you're so old," followed by "You're right" when Handsome Couple (he, possibly Italian with ponytail; she blonde and fit; both contagiously smiling) come over to chat it up with us.

A short time later, picture this. I have the letter A in my left hand (since I am the sinister sort). I move to place it on the board. On the board, if you please, picture the word MEN positioned horizontally. Perpendicular to it, separated by a conjoining blank space, reading downward is the word GIANT. At the precise moment that I move my hand downward with the letter A and I kind of mumble self-mockingly, "Heh, amen! a giant!" at that exact moment in through the doors walks a giantess of Olympian proportions. We're talking H-U-G-E. I'm sorry, don't be offended. It's just T-R-U-E. I could not help it. I just stopped in mid-air, mid-sentence, mid-Scrabble-word-placement (of course, I was not seriously about to posit the word "agiant"), and did a double take at the door. "A-men. A-giant."

We just broke up. What else can I tell you? You could not have choreographed it better. It even made dour ol' me laugh out loud in real life.

Fortunately, Amazon Dot did not seem to hear me. Relieved at that.

Your turn.

Any Scrabble stories?

(Aw, c'mon, I'll bet you've played Dirty Word Scrabble, Mist1. Or Glamourpuss, have you? Army, you? Dafaths? Any Scrabble stories from The Ephemerist Cohort, e.g., Michael C? Wanderlust Scarlett? Odat? Diapering Madwoman? JR? Ralph? Patti? Others?)

C-A-R-R-Y O-N.