Hed Aches

Headline, or "hed," on the front page of The (Syracuse) Post-Standard, July 24, 2008:

Sheriff: Bisesi walked in, admitted killings

subhed:

"The guy wanted to spill his guts and they didn't stop him," he says.

I have to tell you, as I fished in my pocket for the two quarters to pay for the newspaper (all you online readers are wondering: newspaper? what's that, you troglodyte!), I juggled some confusing thoughts in my still-waking brainpan: who is "he"?

I first thought -- excuse my ignorance -- that "he" referred to the murder suspect, Bisesi.

Then I cleared it all up.

Chalk up this confusion to the albatross of miscommunication known as an unclear pronoun antecedent.

Comma Drama

Last night, around 10 p.m. a dozen or so young guys paraded out of the second-floor flat of Jesse, the fellow next door. I mean, they looked like a human centipede coming out of the porch. Or like the silk scarves that endlessly come out of a magician's sleeve. Whew!

As predicted by my wife, after their jaunt down the hill, presumably to Coleman's Authentic Irish Pub, the guys (and now a few gals) returned around 2 a.m. and made a ruckus.

Come on, people! We're trying to sleep here!

Speaking of which:

There's a new book out titled:

Come On People

subtitled: On the Path From Victims to Victors

By Bill Cosby and Alvin F. Poussaint, M.D.

Now, based on some of the estimable Mr. Cosby's recent comments and the subtitle, I can surmise that the book has a laudable premise and narrative exposition. Fine. No problem. Applause.

However, I have a quibble with the title.

It needs an important comma placed after the word "on."

Otherwise, without that vocative comma -- how shall I delicately express this? -- the title conjures up an indefensible and impolitic, if pornographic, imperative to broadcast one's seminal "concepts" in a democratic and egalitarian way. Gross!

And Mr. Cosby has a doctorate in education (but not grammar); his co-author is a medical doctor. Come on, guys!

You can rely on The Laughorist to staunchly defend us from solecisms of punctuation.

(And, yes, you can split an infinitive with impunity, as in the sentence above.)