Candidates' Cant

Of course, the most delightful thing about blogging is self-publishing. Who needs Corporate Publishing America (CPA), when we can publish ourselves?

To wit: The Style Invitational of The Washington Post published humorous suggestions for presidential candidates' slogans. Some of my faves were:

Dick Cheney: Why Settle for the Lesser of Two Evils? (Mark Eckenwiler, Washington)

Lorena Bobbitt: If Elected I Will Not Sever (Russell Beland)

Lance Armstrong: One Tough Nut (Ben Aronin, Washington)

Texas Gov. Rick Perry: You Know He'll "Faithfully Execute" (Mark Eckenwiler)

But, alas, I must report that none of my entries to this humor contest were deemed funny enough to see the light of day (or were considered too crude for a family newspaper and its online counterpart, or were nearly identical to the suggestions of too many other entrants).

So, in the interest of full disclosure and fully realized Laughorist humor, here are my suggestions (pared down to my favorites) for presidential slogans:

Sam Brownback: Brownback. Not wetbacks.

Hillary Rodham Clinton: It Takes an Electoral College.

Hillary Rodham Clinton: I Won't Blow It.

Barack Obama: Barack to the Future.

John McCain: Give war a chance.

Rudolph Giuliani: Here's your president, right here.